Relaxing. Today has been a long day, a very long day. I had to wake up early, and get on an airplane, flying from S[ ] to S[ ] to V[ ]. I’m in B[ ], in C[ ], in a house, in a room, with T[ ]. Well, N[ ], but she hates being called that. Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking: long distance things will never work, i.e. they’ll kill you, and I can tell you that it didn’t last, but it was worth it, for during these many months with her, I was happy. I hadn’t been happy for a long time before this. [ ]

We’re watching Finding Nemo on her Mac. Her room smells like the pizza we ordered earlier, and the dry, spicy taste scent of it lingers. We’re curled up in her blankets, watching Dory be ridiculous, and she gets an idea. I have no idea what she’s doing, but she breaks away and opens the window directly above her bed, sliding it wide and climbing onto the sill, before looking back at me and saying, “Come on.” Then she hops out and falls 5 feet down onto the grass. I instinctively go after her, sliding over and out onto the lawn. Oh, make that wet grass. My Levi’s are soaked and stained, damp and green, but she gets up and walks out into the street, and I follow. The air is frigid, and it hurts to breathe, the Fall air crisp and scraping my lungs like a dull butter knife. She hops merrily down the road, and my soft, baby feet ache with each step on the grainy, cold asphalt. So I hop as she does, until we get to the Playground.

Her home is just a block away from a local Elementary School (called a Primary school there), which of course has a small, plastic playground. She gets to the perimeter of the fence and waits for me, and I soon catch up. I see why she’s stopped: the gravel. They’re soaked with moisture, their jagged edges smoothed as their hard exterior deflects the water. I have an idea, “Piggyback!” I announce, and she hops on my back with a cute smile, and I deal with the discomfort as I carry her across this childish threshold, and set her gently down on a platform, her short legs not even touching the ground. I forgot to mention how short she is, it’s adorable. I hop up next to her and smile, and she smiles back. It’s icy cold out here, but no longer does it matter. The bright lunar glow from a full moon illuminates the night, and us, acting as a stage light on this act of my life, as Shakespeare once said, "[ ]" She pushes me back with a kiss, and I lay back on the awkward, plastic form of the platform, and I see every star in the sky in a split second before her face comes back to mine and we kiss again.

The cold tries to permeate my mind again, but it fails, temperature is no longer a concern, my body is making up for it. With every kiss, we share everything. We have been waiting for this moment for months and months, these were our first kisses. I felt human. Like I was [ ] I was who I was, and she loved that. I loved her. I felt at peace, disconnected from reality but alive. The night remained through the hour we spent at that playground. Besides the glow from the heavens, no light awoke or bothered us, the night was ours and Nature knew that. I felt like morning would never come, and I didn’t want it to. I learned that love isn’t [ ]. It was real and she was real and I was real. We stopped kissing and she lay on my chest, listening to my mellow heartbeat as the night air surrounded us. Nothing could harm us, even though we were alone in the dead of night, we knew that we were at peace with the world and this is where we would remain; happy.

I ran my fingers through her hair and they coasted through, soft as goose feathers between my fingers. I feel the slight movement of her face contorting. She’s smiling, and it makes me smile. I realize I haven’t breathed in a little while, so I exhale a deep breath and it turns to fog, quickly evaporating and diffusing into the night. When I was little, I used to think that was my soul escaping, so I refused to let it happen, and all I can think of, is that if my soul [ ]. But that didn’t happen, we were alive and we were going to make every moment count, so she sat up, gave me another kiss, and nodded towards her home. She piggybacked her way home, my awkward steps nearly tipping us over a few times, and we were laughing and our faces were hot and flushed with blood at how amazing everything was going.

We try the front door and it’s unlocked, and we let out a sigh of relief and tiptoe our way inside. Her dad is [ ] so we carefully walk past his snoring frame on the couch and back into her room. Only now, when the adrenaline has stopped and we get back inside, do I realize how much temperature I lost. In comparison to the outside, the air in here feels like a sauna. We dive into her bed and throw three or four blankets on us, and snuggle up. Comfort is the only word that comes to my mind, and sleep quickly takes us in its grasp.

There have only been a few times when I felt truly at peace and content, and this was one of them. Even after the messy breakup we had, this memory will never be tarnished; it will always be something we shared and something that will remain with me for the rest of my days. I don’t consider myself a great person, I’m not special and I’m not [ ], it made me feel like I have a place in this world, and even though I’m [ ], I will never forget what I had with T[ ]. I was completely in love with her, but every moment we shared are memories that will never dissipate. I would not be who I am today without this night occurring, it help shaped my teenage years and therefore, I am [ ]. I am [ ]. I have [ ] love.