You didn't think I'd show up. Big glass windows, you fall to your knees. Do I feel awkward or was this a sign?

Fear and Loathing, Requiem for a Dream, SLC Punk.

Dyed hair and acne, both of us. Textured thumb skin in two directions. Washing dishes with midnight hair. Ketchup chips, now available in American Walmarts.

Pig hat, xbox, couch. Tree house, condoms, gone.

Sign the clothing. Me at a [9]. I see the photo and there's that scent. A birthday party and that green fish shirt.

Checkmate. It really bothered you. But everything bothered me so it's whatever.

Canada Day and a smoke in your bandana. "the American is here" and I lap it up. I lap whiskey up too. Blind drunk in public as if Canada is somehow a different reality. They have laws here too, buddy.

Mortal Kombat on the bed. The location of the mistake. He was so mad.

He's sobbing downstairs. I feel no remorse. I say horrible things. She chose me, that's not my fault. Yes, it was. I could have stopped it. But it felt good to be wanted. I destroyed him and I didn't care.

I care now. I'm sorry. He knows that.

First drag of a cigarette. I don't like it. But I let you exhale into my lungs. More than once. Second-hand kiss. Ash-barren taste buds but I liked it.

Pretzel knots and glasses clink. Karate chops and parole officers. How do you get away with it?

Said I was going to stay with E. I didn't. Said I was going to stay with a lot of people. I didn't. No wonder they don't talk to me.

Plans fall to the side when you're swept in the river. Different river, same quote.

"nothing can survive inside of me." You meant a child, but it hits my ear symbolically. Foolishly I think I can tend to your damaged locus, but it ends as it always does.

doxxed on 4chan. Now we're great friends.

Nomadic wandering as if what we're doing is somehow deep. We were children on too many drugs and I thought this is what ambrosia was, but it was just unseasoned french fries.

I don't remember any real meals. Sustained on a drip feed of chaos and haze.

on the Subway points card. first time? we really really really shouldn't have done that. That bad influence made me a bad influence.

Two blocks from the salmonberry house.

Flat of expired lucky in a trailer park. Rebellion with a painted red thumbnail. I didn't tip the pizza guy.

Two, no, four piercings and a lost point-and-shoot.

"...I just fucking killed the bird." Rodeo clown kicked us out. Only now do I feel his pain and I am so sorry.

I can't find the pictures, could I really have deleted them? wait holy shit I found some. not all.

Dry mouth with machine beeps. "I don't even know why they brought him in." Just jalapenos? well we have to write it down.

I wear the wrist band home.

"sign here", still drunk. Healthcare isn't free if you aren't a citizen. Emails back home from a thirty minute mistake.

Why do I remember the ambulance in the hallway when it's spatially impossible?

We should have stayed in that room for thirty more minutes. I think about those thirty minutes and wonder how much would be different. silibr.

May the bridges I burn shut the fuck up.

Anime hair and sun glasses. Trailer parks and lost contacts. Painful emails and tall trees. Hot knives and knowing eyes.

Two brazen bulls in her bed. She pulls into the driveway.

The laptop that soon becomes yours plays a familiar movie so I can try not think of my imminent exit.

We share a $2 oven pizza. Two tramps, one's still a lady.

Big rock, goodbye. Sneak away, the outliers leave. Not outliers anymore - main players while the focal point is lost to the current.

Currently MIA. Terrified it could be KIA.

I don't remember goodbye. It happened slowly. The brook(e) babbles and you're gone and I'm gone and I have too many papers to write.

I read the messages five, then nine, years later, and I think I see now.

Optimus Prime with too many amphetamines. Foot cramps and a pasty clan. Bad influences but I'm submerged just gotta hold just gotta follow just gotta keep this up I've never done anything like this like any of this and I'm terrified and enthralled and you're so bright and scared and I think you might actually love me and I'm afraid to let go I'm afraid to hold on my brain isn't fully formed yet and we both really fucked up and I'm sure you don't think about this any more.